He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
