Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
