Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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