Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
