problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
