So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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