I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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