Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
