I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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