i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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