bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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