Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
