Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
