Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize