just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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