you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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