paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
