How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
