I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
