I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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