so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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