I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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