I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
