ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
