so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
