i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
