You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
