Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
