Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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