Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize