I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
