3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
