he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
