well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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