apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she looked like the before picture.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
