stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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