did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
