I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
