Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
