Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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