you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
