dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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