Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just forgot I was standing up.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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