he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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