I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
