My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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