that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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