just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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