Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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