i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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