3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I just put wine in my tea
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize