Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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