Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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