This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
