I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
