So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
