and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
