yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I FOUND THE LEGS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
