All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I touched a dick in church today
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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