It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
