so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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