I didn't shave. On purpose
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
