She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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