you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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