i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
