P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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