yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
