Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
