Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
