your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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