Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
